Where Are You?

Where are you? That’s the question I’ve been asked by several of my family and friends. For my silence the past few weeks, I must apologize. The truth is that I’ve simply been in hibernation mode.

Even though I finished chemo, chemo wasn’t finished with me. That bad boy had 22 weeks to build up in my system and by the time I took the last treatment, I was not only sick but absolutely worn out. Add to chemo the fact that I continued to work full-time throughout the journey and continued to push to do as many normal things as possible, I was simply tired beyond reason. I had reached the end of myself. So, I gave myself permission to do something I’ve denied myself all these months – rest.

I know – shocking isn’t it? But, I actually rested. If I was tired after I got off work, I slept. Then I got up and went to bed and slept again. On the weekends, I said good morning to the dust bunnies, ate breakfast, slept, read books, slept, watched classic movies, slept, talked on the phone, and then you guessed it, slept some more. It was almost as if my body – and mind – retreated into a healing cocoon for the past few weeks.

I must say, the rest was probably the best thing that I could have done for my body and spirit. Little by little, day by day, my body has been healing. Am I 100% yet? Not at all. I’m sure it will still be some time before my energy and body return to pre-chemo levels. But, tomorrow will be a month from the end of chemo and every day leaves me a little stronger than the day before. I’m slowing getting back to normal. I made a trip to the grocery store for the first time in months. Who would have thought the act of buying your own groceries would bring such pleasure? We were able to have the grandchildren over because I’m no longer quarantined, and yes, the baby still remembered who I was! I was able to go back to church. Cotton and I had supper last night with friends for the first time in nearly three months. All of these are simple things and yet are a wonderful victory for bringing some normalcy back to our lives.

So, I hope you’ll forgive me for my silence. I’ve not been gone – merely resting – and relishing the little normal victories that are life.

©2013. Mary Kyle. All rights reserved.

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